Happiness is... seeking the rainbow

Rainbows speak directly to our heart and soul, filling us with awe and energies 

of liquid love pouring all around us. Rainbows bring the promise that the 

troubles of today will surely come to pass, hold strong in your faith and 

vision, and rainbows will bring fresh beginnings and new prosperity.

The rainbow is also an extraordinary symbol of following our hearts' desire 

and purpose. To get to the end of the rainbow is a symbol for of the 
celebration of that fulfillment. The end of the rainbow signifies a pot of gold 
and the magic surrounding your dreams coming true, and the end of the 
rainbow is the enchanted magical land of leprechauns. 

- Source: Universe of Symbolism

Rainbows. I always find them so magical, beautiful and even a little mysterious.

There have been so many talks and quotes about rainbows recently and it got me pondering about what lies at the end of the rainbow that I was, and have been, chasing after my whole life. Is it leading a happy life with my loved ones? Is it being the best mum I can be and enjoying the most of motherhood? Is it being a blogger capable of inspiring others along the way? Is it making a difference to the community and helping others in need? To be honest, I'm still in the process of figuring it all out.

March 2015 marks three events which were especially significant to me, and through them all, I think I learnt a great deal about confidence, tenacity, independence, hope and strength. In this month's "Happiness is...", it's all about seeking the rainbow.

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#1. Sharing my views as a stay-at-home mum on national TV

Yes, most of you have probably watched the show and read my behind-the-scene post in the making of our video clip. While I received overwhelming responses from readers and strangers, most of which were to kindly thank me for sharing my story and letting them know they are not alone, there were also a handful who probably thought I did it for the glamour and the fame.

I had a friend who commented "Why do we stay-at-home mums need others to tell us our worth?" and thus was not inclined to watch the show in the least. The thing is, the last thing I need on earth is for someone to measure my worth and tell me how much I am valued in monetary terms. No, thank you very much but I don't need that at all.

Another friend commented that she was furious that they compared my worth to a domestic helper. To be honest, I didn't care much about that because anyone sane would know that they can't be compared in that sense. Motherly love is the one intangible, priceless ingredient that cannot be replicated. So what for be bothered by it, years of experience told me that it was wiser to just laugh it off and move on.

So, why did I do it? I asked myself that question too. I will admit that part of the motivating factor was for self - I took this as a personal challenge and wanted to see if I could rise up to it. To be able to articulate my views on national TV, to be able to speak cohesively after conversing in baby language half the time, to be able to put my somewhat rusty brains to use and convince myself I can still do it.

However, a much stronger and compelling reason for me to go on the show was simply because I could be the voice of all SAHMs. I mean, I'm just me, a normal mum, a normal Singaporean, a normal blogger leading a normal life. How many opportunities do I get in my life that I get to fight for a case, to represent a bigger group of like-minded people, to present an unseen side of our mostly taken for granted roles to the rest of the world? The answer is probably just once in a lifetime.

That burning passion, that strong conviction and that unwavering resolution I felt as a stay-home mum chased away all my apprehension and gave me the courage I never knew I possessed. I just knew I had to do it so that I will not regret it when I look back on my life.

As long as I inspired at least one person, made another think twice before passing a malicious remark, or helped to reassure, comfort and motivate some of us in one way or another, I think it was worth it. For once, this was not just about my blog, my kids or myself. This was about a community and I was glad I could play a part in speaking up.

#2. Braving solo parenting and making the most of it

This month was also the time where the hubby had to attend a course in Bremen, Germany, which we had initially planned to tag along but gave up when we realised how it would easily cost a bomb. You might think that being a military wife, I am very used to the notion of solo parenting. Yes, I guess you can say so. But that doesn't mean it gets any easier.

Sending off the hubby always makes my heart ache and while some say absence makes the heart fonder, on days when the kids drive me up the wall and make me weep into the pillow, I wish, I just wish that he was right here with me to tell me that things were going to be all right.

That said, I never do like to show my weaknesses to the kids and in front of them, I'm always the brave, happy, positive mum. So, even though Daddy was not around, I promised them that we would go through a week filled with fun, exciting activities and they were going to have a ball of a time. And so, we did.

I took them picnicking and we attended an outdoor movie screening at Gardens by the Bay. I remember pushing the stroller up the bridge, with both of them sitting inside, and I panted with every breath, wondering what I had just signed myself up for and debating if I was really getting old and unfit.

As we laid down to watch the dazzling lights at the Supertree Grove, I took a deep breath and told myself "See, it isn't so bad after all, right?"



Then, in the same week, I also took the kids on pony rides where we queued up for nearly an hour under the scorching sun. We also had to squeeze and jostle with the unexpectedly huge crowd who was there on the same opening weekend to feed the ponies, take photographs and watch the live stage shows. All worth it for those big smiles, don't you think so?

On the day that the hubby came back, we also went for a beach photoshoot in the morning, the first family shoot which we did without him. To be frank, I did contemplate if I could handle two kids on the set alone, knowing jolly well that they would be distracted by the sand and the waters. Would I be able to make them listen to the photographer? Were they going to pose and smile for the camera? Could we really make it? Once again, it felt like a challenge to me and as you know me by now, it was a challenge I gamely accepted.

You won't know if you don't try. No venture, no gain. Practice makes perfect. These are some of the mottos I believe in and I think at this moment, we are enjoying the fruits of our labour by going through these experiences. Two cooperative kids, one blessed blogger mum, a happy family, many precious keepsakes. (In case you are wondering, yes it still takes hard work to get everything to work and it only gets better through practice.)

Did we manage to rush to the airport in time to pick their beloved Daddy? You bet. And though these two never did mention they missed him, they were definitely over the moon to be in his arms once again. Me, I was just happy I survived the week, accomplished more than I thought I could and emerged triumphant.

#3. Turning sorrow into strength from the loss of our founding father

Last but not least, this was probably a life-changing milestone for many Singaporeans - the passing of our beloved Mr Lee Kuan Yew. If I say that I don't like to show my weaknesses to my kids, for the past week, I just revealed my most vulnerable side and for more reasons than one, I just couldn't stop the tears from gushing out.

I tried to think of why I cried so much at this day which I knew jolly well would come. Sometimes, I had no answer and couldn't really begin to describe my own feelings. Yet at other times, I figured out it was a combination of too many emotional factors.

I cried because I discovered how much I respected and admired this great man who built the strong pillars that holds up our society. I cried because I realised I didn't know him well and wished I had met him or at least, read more about him, paid more attention to his news reports, listened to more of his speeches, when he was still alive. I cried because I knew in my heart just how much he had done for me, for my family, my kids and my grandchildren in future, yet I could do nothing in return for him.

I cried because I was born in the 1980s where we could only imagine all the poverty, instability and wars that our forefathers had gone through. I cried because I listened to PM Lee delivering his speech less than 5 hours after losing his father and felt how unbearable it must have been. I cried when I listened to all the moving eulogies and marvelled at the legacy and touching stories that he has left behind. I cried when I read how sweet, loving and tender the man with the iron fist was to his wife especially after she suffered a stroke. I cried when I realised the meaning of everlasting, eternal love and asked myself if I could possibly do that for my partner. 

I cried when I bowed to him and did a portrait for him, realising that this was the most I could do at this point in time. I cried when I realised over one million of fellow Singaporeans felt the same emotions that I felt. I cried when I saw people getting drenched in the tears of heaven to send off the cortege. I cried because for the first time in many years, I was bursting with national pride when I recited our pledge and sang our national anthem. I cried because I finally realised what it meant to be a Singaporean, and I'm so proud to be one.

The national mourning week may have passed but that doesn't mean the grief just vanishes from our hearts. Moving on doesn't mean we forget, it just means we accept and let go. In true LKY style, he would want us to turn sorrow into strength, to get on with our lives, to draw lessons from this ordeal, to unite as a nation and let Singapore continue to be a safe, prosperous, clean and happy place for generations to live in.

Thank you for teaching me to believe in the impossible, to always hold on to hope and to never give up even when the world gives up on you.

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So, while I know at least I am now riding on the motherhood rainbow and cherishing every bit of it, I also intend to seek out other rainbows waiting for me and when the time comes, I hope I will ride on every one of them. What are you happy for this month?

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What are you HAPPY for this month? 

Happy memories have a special way of touching our hearts every time we think about them. Join in my linky party at the end of every month and let us smile, rejoice and share the simple joys of life. Highlight and press Ctrl + C to copy my button above, include it in your post/sidebar and add your link below. For happiness is all around us.