Still as beautiful

Being the one who faces my kids 24/7, I like to think that I would be the first to know if they have any rashes, cuts, wounds or insect bites. 

The other day, I brought Ariel to the PD for her vaccination and since Angel was with me, I casually asked the doctor about this red mole that has appeared on her lower lip. I didn't expect it to be anything serious and honestly, I had assumed that it might be a pimple or something and would go away soon.

She examined it for a while and then determined it to be a case of granuloma - which is a red or brown raised mark caused by excessive growth of capillaries and swelling, usually post trauma or injury. I can't really remember when was the last time she fell and hurt her lips but it must have been a long time ago. It kind of shocked me when the doctor said that the mark would likely be permanent and if we wish to remove it, we would have to do it surgically.

Her selfie taken in August 2013, you can't really see the spot from here but yes, it had started to form.

Oh my gosh. 

Yes, that was my first reaction. Then, I started to text the hubby frantically and asked if he had noticed the red mark and he said "Yes". And I subsequently dug through all my photos and then realised that the mark had already started to develop since last year, just that it has been becoming even more protruding and obvious recently.

What kind of a mum was I to not notice it? In case I forget, I had already let this girl suffer the agony of five stitches on her ear when she was two. Why am I not doing more to protect her? She is my girl, my precious girl after all and I don't deny it, I wish for her to be beautiful, both inside and out. 

Mirror reflection shot taken in January, 2014. Slowly but surely, the mark was becoming clearer.

So, even though it was not the end of the world, I started blaming myself and wondered if there was anything I could do. I did some research online and read that someone tried to scratch the granuloma until there was a new wound and when it recovered, the red mark vanished. I spoke to the hubby who was in disbelief that it would never go away and suggested getting something sharp to burst it. Oh my. Who's more extreme?

A big part of me wanted to leave things to fate and accept what has been given to us. I wanted to assure her that she was still my princess and nothing would ever change that. I wanted to maintain a positive outlook and be thankful that it is just a small dot and considering how many worse things are happening to children around the world, we are so, so, very blessed. Yet, a small part of me would keep eyeing that spot from time to time, especially when she looked at me in the eye and smiled, and yes, my itchy fingers even tried to help her scratch it and see if that could work wonders. It was useless as I only did it lightly with my nails, not bearing to use anything else sharper. Not surprisingly, she didn't really like it and would prefer that for now, we leave everything the way it is.

Her portrait taken in June 2014. The red spot now rests below her lower lip, slightly towards the right. For good or for bad, it is more obvious in real life than in pictures.

Anyway, though I didn't want to scare her with the thought of marks that don't go away, I didn't wish to hide the truth from her too and so, this conversation followed.

Angel: Mummy, so what did the doctor say?

Me: She said the red spot is something like a scar, likely left after an injury.

Angel: So it will stay here forever?

Me: I'm afraid it might be so, according to the doctor.

Angel: *thinks for a while* Mummy, do you have any scars too?

Me: Yes, darling. I have a scar on my right knee after a bad fall in primary school. I have a chicken pox scar, I have stretch marks after giving birth and *points all over face* see Mummy's face, I have a lot of pimple scars too.

Angel: *without hesitation* Mummy, it's okay. I think you still look very beautiful.

******

I could have cried at that last comment. Here I was, wondering about how a small, tiny bump could possibly affect my daughter's life and there she was, teaching me what it means to love and accept someone for who he/she is. Wholeheartedly.
 
Sometimes, I really wonder who is the child and who needs to learn more about life. I definitely have a long, long way to go and whatever happens to us, I am just glad to have this girl beside me and reminding me just how beautiful life is and how we should always learn to look on the bright side.

My dear Angel, as long as you are healthy and safe, that is all that should matter. Thank you for being willing to love me for who I am and I promise to work harder in loving you, nurturing you, and accepting you without trying to change who you are in life. 

That said, you must remember what we taught you - to use your hands to cushion your fall every time, okay? I don't wish to stop you from running, jumping and exploring the wonders of life but I hope you will have less severe injuries and learn to pick yourself up when you fall. It really pains me when you are in pain, you know?

I love you so much and please know that you will always be a very beautiful girl in my eyes. Remember that it is more important to be beautiful on the inside than out because that is what will carry you through your life and last for a lifetime.

Lots of love, 
Mummy.