From two to three in a bed

There was a time when I was repulsive towards the idea of co-sleeping.

That was mainly because I had read books and articles that pinpoint the risks of co-sleeping and how it might lead to cot death (SIDS), how it affects love life negatively (not to mention it kills the practice of spontaneous lovemaking), and how it leads to a child being overly dependent on you.

So when Angel was less than 2 months old, my weary hubby caved in to her endless whimpering and crying in the middle of the night. He carried her from her cot and placed her to lie on our bed in between us.

I was like, "No!! Don't do that, once you start, we won't stop and she will end up sleeping with us every night!"

Unfortunately, my actions didn't match my words and in my desire to drift away to never-never land a little longer, I soon got used to the notion of co-sleeping. Come on, it wasn't that hard because hey, it made breastfeeding so much easier, all I had to do was lift my shirt, unlatch my nursing bra, and shove her tiny head towards me. No hassle of having to carry her to and fro her cot, no need to wait patiently till she finishes sucking, no more loud and prolonged crying spells anymore. You might be a little surprised to wake up in the morning sometimes and see yourself half undressed and your boobs hanging out of your shirt. Plus a baby with a white, flaky chin from all the dried up milk.

The truth was, from that day on, we never looked back.

My girl has been sleeping with me all the time since then, giving me the warmth and joy I never knew existed in co-sleeping. Our queen size bed is laid on the floor and we added a single bed beside us just to ensure none of us ends up having to sleep on the stone cold floor. Well, on many nights, ends up daddy sleeps on the single bed, while Angel and I lie in the comfort of the big bed instead.

Sure, there are times when she wriggles and squirms so much that I feel like I've been banished to a cramped one-tenth area of my queen bed. Then, there are times when she lies in between us and we form a letter 'H', so her head might be on one of our chests but her feet are right smack in the other person's face. We take turns to be the unlucky one. There are also times when I hope to be able to snuggle with my loved hubby, with his arm across my shoulder and my head on his bony warm chest, but I realise I have a 10kg and 90cm hurdle in between us and I give up on the race before it even starts.

These things, you all have told me about.

But, what you all didn't tell me, were things like:

- On cold winter nights, she's the one person who will always warm my bed and be my most huggable bolster.

- During forlorn days when daddy is out at sea, she lets me know that I never will have to take a lonesome nap again.

- She gives me a kiss, actually many kisses, and cuddly bear hugs every night while we nuzzle on the bed side by side. Just before she dozes off, she holds me in a tight embrace and I just can't stop looking at her cute little angelic face and be thankful that she's mine.

- I wake up every morning to see a cheerful, happy baby right beside me who says "Good morning, mummy" and "I love you" in the sweetest voice. Ok, though she usually wakes up before I do, there's still no better way to start my day then to see her smile.

So you see, I won't exchange this experience for anything else. It's one of the joys that motherhood has given me and I'm going to cherish it for as long as I can. There will come a day when she grows into a independent kid and that's when she might run away from mummy's arms when I reach out to hug her and grab her to bed. But for now, I'm contented with spending the winter nights with my little girl wrapped in my arms and her heart beating next to mine.