A heartfelt letter to my firstborn - "Family is all that we need"

Dear Angel,

This morning, we welcomed Daddy home after his work trip to Australia and though everyone was excited, you were the most ecstatic one out of all of us. You couldn't stop beaming last night, you kept saying "I can't wait to see Papa", you clasped your hands together and wished him a safe journey home, you made me realise just how sweet, young and innocent you still are, despite being my eldest.

You were the only one who thought of making Daddy a welcome home poster and like how you always do your art and craft, you put your heart and soul into it. That said, you can be such a perfectionist, you know that? You did your first attempt, ran out of green paint, was adamant that you needed to redo it and so you did. On your second attempt, you were not happy with how the painted words looked like and said you didn't want to use a brush for the words. So you took a third piece of paper to try again. Even though I assured you we would love and cherish any heartfelt piece of artwork from you - and that in the first place they all looked so pretty to me - you insisted that it needed to be done over and over again until you were happy with it. That's just how strong-willed and resolute you can be, my darling.

I remember I chided you because you ended up using hours of your free time to do it when you were supposed to be finishing up on your revision for your final year exams which are happening in two days. You are one who gets easily distracted and I always feel this need to pull you back on track and remind you to focus and to prioritise your tasks. Yup, I guess I just have high expectations of you as my first child and I feel this dire need for you to be a role model for your siblings so that we will have less mayhem in the house. I've said that in the last letter, hadn't I? Thinking about this topic always makes me tear up and I know one day I will have to dedicate a long apology letter to let you know how much I feel for you, how I think life has been unfair to you and how I love you as much as I love your siblings - even though you usually get the short end of the stick. For now, I just hope you know just how much I appreciate all that you've done for your sister, your brother, and for me.

You were so excited when you finished the poster and I remember that I was making dinner and since solo parenting in a messy kitchen while trying to cook and handle two younger ones ain't so fun after all, I told you that I would take a look at it afterwards. Yes, I always make you wait, don't I? 

Then, when I finally sat down and started reading the poster which you designed and did all by yourself, something just resonated so deep within me that I didn't know whether to smile or to shed a tear. I think I did both. Oh in fact, it was many tears.

You see, it wasn't just a simple poster with the words "Welcome Home, Daddy" like I thought it would be, it was more like a handmade card with words from the heart. You were so sweet as to tell daddy to "get some rest" and "thank you for working so hard for us" instead of taking his efforts for granted. You wrote "Hope you'll have a safe trip back home" and I casually mentioned to you that if he were to see this card, it meant he had already landed and came back home safely. You said "Never mind, I just want him to be back safe and still wish him."

And I saw it. That wholehearted look. That look of love, of care and yet of fear. I saw just how much you miss and love your Papa, even though you don't say it out often since we have gotten used to his absence all these years. You love him so, so much, and you worry about him getting into danger in his field of work just like I do too (I always call you little Mama, don't I?).

That love you have for your family is so pure, so real and so deep that I often take it for granted too. You are always the sweet one who would tell the others to leave some fruits for me and not gobble all up, who would worry about what I would get to eat if you all ate too much of the food, who would happily offer to share her favourite ice cream, fishball, french fries or lollipop with me, who would rush to my aid and protect me if your siblings try to 'hit' me, who will tell your siblings to be quiet and not disturb me if I am taking a nap, who never forgets to give me a tight, heartfelt embrace every night before you go to bed. Yes, I get all the special treatment!

Just tonight at suppertime, all of you walked off with Daddy first while I was finishing up the tau huay and while didi and meimei just went past me, you were the only one who came up to whisper "I go off first, okay Mama?" and you walked off a few steps but then ran back to give me a kiss on the back of my head before running off again. That's you, my sweet darling girl, and how you can trigger off all my emotions and blur my vision with these little acts of yours.

Back to the card, you also dug into my craft supplies, found stickers and tags on your own, and pasted them onto the poster to jazz it up. As always, you drew a picture of our family and this time, it was you, me, didi and meimei waiting outside a house while Daddy was pulling his luggage back home towards us. A picture says a thousand words, you know that?

What amazed me most was that you did this butterfly cutout which had paint splatters on it and on it, you wrote the words  

"Family is all that we need."

Those words, they melted my heart and I'm so thankful to know that you think the way I do too, my dear. Those six words speak volumes and I know you meant them from the bottom of your heart. Despite the arguments and backtalk, you love dad and mum more than anything. Despite the frequent bickers with your siblings, you love them just as much too. Well, it warms my heart to know that perhaps after so many years of incessant nagging and repeating all my 人生大道理, some of Mama's words indeed got through to you. Haha. I sure hope you will always remember all that I've taught you and grow up to be a good, kind and helpful person who sees life as beautiful and then go on to lead an absolutely amazing one.

Thank you, my dear, for reminding me on just how important it is to cherish our family, to cherish life, to cherish one another, and most importantly, for me to cherish you. Even though your siblings might overshadow you at times - you know how clingy, whiny and needy they can get, right? - and it might seem like you are just playing a supporting role at the back, please know that you will always be a shining star on my stage of life. Yes, I have three, but you are one of them and you are here to stay. I will always be proud of you, I will always love you with every breath, and I will always be thankful that you are mine.

Family, it's definitely all that we need.

Love,
Mummy