Happiness is... remembering to destress

Everybody faces stress.

Contrary to what many people think when I tell them I am a stay-at-home mum, I find myself feeling pent-up and stressed up on more days than one. So nope, I don't stay home and do nothing all day long, nor do I have all the time in the world to pursue my own hobbies, nor do I have the luxury of lots of me-time every day.

In fact, with four kids to worry about - two of which are full blown teens - and the need to solo parent frequently, I find my anxiety level getting high often. Thus t's so important for me to know how to blow off steam and find healthy ways to release my stress so that I can regain motivation, energy and positivity to carry on.

It's also just as important that I recognise that others are feeling stress in their everyday lives too, that includes the parents, the hubby and each of our kids who are facing hurdles and fighting battles in their own way too. In this post of "Happines is...", it's about remembering to destress from time to time and do things that make us, and the people we love, happy.

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Home cooked meals are greatly cherished. I'll be the first to admit that I don't love cooking and it's something I do purely out of love for the kids. What I do love is a yummy hotpot meal with the family and it's something that we do regularly because it's so easy to make, haha. The kids love tomato soup so I would usually get the Hai Di Lao base and cook a soup consisting of a whole chicken, tomatoes, radish and shitake mushrooms in advance. Then we would choose and buy ingredients that we love to cook in the hotpot, like shabu shabu, salmon, spinach, hotdogs, enoki mushroom, fishballs etc.

Eating is something that bonds us and helps us to relax since we make it a point to try our best not to bring work or phones to mealtimes.

An ice cream treat never fails to make us feel happy too and I'm the kind of mum who lets the kids eat ice cream from a young age and even lets them do it when they are coughing - provided it is not the very serious kind. Yup, there aren't many rules in my house when it comes to eating though I do try to keep junk food to a minimum. So whenever we are feeling down or unhappy from a big argument, I would tend to suggest "Let's go for ice cream tonight!" and that usually gets everyone excited and happy.

With PSLE around the corner for the little sister, I know she must be feeling the jitters even if she doesn't show it all the time. So I make it a point to still bring her out every weekend, take her to eat her favourite food, take her to places to play and remind ourselves to still have fun.

In addition to the care pack filled with useful stationery, love notes and things she loves that we presented to her last month, we also made a nice, handmade card with wishes from each of us and gave it to her this month before her P6 prelims started. I actually didn't buy any material to make it but instead used things from my craft supplies to do up this purple card with flowers, vines, 3-D letters and snowflakes that looked really nice and she loved it. Jia you, Ariel, you know we are always here rooting and cheering for you!

We love mooncakes so the kids were delighted to et this DIY Snowskin mooncake set and they had so much fun mixing, rolling and moulding the mooncakes with cute Sanrio characters. Ariel especially loves projects like this and it was easy to tell how much fun and joy they had in that afternoon. The bonus part was the mooncakes were unexpectedly delicious too - perhaps that's how it is when it is a result of your labour.

Play dates are a great way for the kids to come together and destress and every time it happens, we adults get to gather and have chats about anything under the sun too. So it's something that we make time for and treasure too. True friendship is rare and I hope to let the kids realise that too and that once they find it, they need to put in effort to hold onto it and not let it break easily too.

You probably know how much we love movies by now and despite the fact that Netflix and Disney+ makes it convenient to watch movies in the comfort of our home, we still like to visit the cinema and make it a point to go every once in a while. This time, we caught Jackie Chan's latest movie - a legend and the AI effects brought back so many fond memories for me too. (Psssst, Jackie and I share the same birthday and I've always had a penchant for his shows).

Another fun thing we did was bumper cars! It was an impromptu decision and the kids paired up to play together and laughed a lot in the process. These are the the memories that will contribute to a happy childhood and let them have something fond to look back on when they are grown up, right? 

One afternoon, we had time to spare so I suggested "Let's go cafe hopping!" much to the delight of the kids. Actually, we went up only visiting three restaurants which were all nearby but it sufficed to delight everyone. From Japanese and Chinese cuisine to Mexican tacos and burritos, we tried everything and not only were our tummies full, so were our hearts.

The kids also did lots of funny and cute poses when I was ordering food and I had such a good laugh when they showed me. Awww, it's nice to have these moments when everyone is relaxed and happy and just wanna chill out.

With only one kid left in preschool, I cherish all our excursions very much. This month, we made our way to Hay Diaries and it was our first time here after they relocated from Lim Chu Kang to Neo Tiew Crescent. Ansel had fun feeding the goats and also trying a goat milk flavoured popsicle too.

He fell asleep on the bus with his head on my lap and his little hand in mine. Such a treasured moment. It won't be long before he enters primary school and has to go through the rigorous academic system and start to prepare for exams. So for now, I really cherish every carefree day that we get to spend together.

Talking about excursions, there are still opportunities for parents to join in with the primary schoolers. This month, Asher and I went for a walkathon and it was nice to meet his teachers and some of his friends too. Even though it was tiring as the little brother wanted to be carried for most of the journey, we made happy memories that will stay in our hearts for a long time. The main thing was to be present for my kids and I hope it made them happy knowing that I was there.

Oh, and Asher has achieved his Poom belt in Taekwondo! Yay! It's really unexpected to see that the kids have stuck to this sport from day 1 till now and they have all come so far that they can now be the coaches' assistants during class. So good job, my dears, Mama is really proud of you all! Sports are a really good way to destress, don't you agree?

It is really challenging for me to carve out time for one-on-one dates with the kids but we try to make it happen from time to time. On the day when Asher had HBL, we managed to have a mother-and-son breakfast date after sending the youngest to school. We had his favourite eggs and with toast breakfast and simple meals like these are the moments when we get to chat and understand each other a little more, so I'm truly grateful for such opportunities. 

As for Ansel, he's the one who has lots of time to spend with me since he only goes for three hours of school but I wouldn't change this for anything. I jolly well know this luxury will not stay once he enters primary school so I'm enjoying each and every of our lunch dates and how we get to do fun and simple things like going on kiddy ride, heading to the neighbourhood playground, go shopping at IKEA, go grocery shopping together or check out any new kid-friendly place too after he dismisses from school at 11:30am.

One-on-two dates are also greatly appreciated because it still gives me the chance to bond deeper with the kids. The boys and I spent a fun day at the newly opened Pasir Ris Mall and we did painting, learnt a simple Kpop dance, went to the arcade, had fun at the kids' gym, and ended the day with a nice dinner at Swensen's with our friends. Months later, they still talk about it whenever we visit the mall so you can be sure that such outings left behind fond memories in their hearts.

Talking about friends, I still make it a point to catch up with my own friends too from time to time. It might not be frequent and sometimes it's barely once a month but at least when it happens, it gives me a chance to connect with like-minded mums, confide in them and also learn a thing or two about motherhood from their experiences. These gatherings are precious to me and I love that we make time to celebrate each other's birthdays too!

Angel has not had any tuition class up to this point but when Zenith offered to let her attend a couple of PSLE booster classes, she gave the nod and so we made our way to Bishan CC. I had to bring the boys with me but they were happy because there were snacks and drinks to keep them occupied in addition to plenty of space for them to play or do their work. Work hard, play hard, remember?

On days when we feel like it, we would order takeaways and have our meals on a grass patch instead so that we can enjoy the warmth of the sun and the kids can run around too. They always have lots of energy to spare so it's good to let them expend their energy in a healthy way too. Making time for play is one of the best ways to help these kids destress after spending hours in school.

I also kept up with making homemade chicken essence for Ariel and will continue doing it for this baby girl of mine. It's just a way of encouraging her to keep going strong as we march nearer and nearer to her first major exams. I believe she not only tastes the goodness in every bowl but she will feel my love for her too.

So like I said many times before, it's also really important that she still gets time to do fun things and things that she loves, one of which includes drawing so she still hangs out with Ansel to draw together. Check out her really cute Bluey and Bingo!

She is also the most creative one of the lot and she loves to do crafts too. For this Teacher's Day, I let her pen letters to each of the teachers and we gave out tote bags too. I saw how she took time and effort to write long, personalised letters to her teachers and it's nice to give thanks before she graduates too.

Eh, what happened? Well, don't be alarmed, she wasn't injured or anything. She was just letting the older sister practise her bandaging skills since Angel just returned from a first aid course. These are what siblings are for and despite the fact that these two sisters still bicker and even fight from time to time, their love for each other is undeniable and I hope this special sisterly bond will stay with them for life.

August is also a time to celebrate our nation's birthday and as always, we will invite the extended family over to have a gathering and watch NDP together. Seeing everyone decked out in red, we all feel a strong sense of patriotism and it's nice that we spend this day together as we sing our national anthem and recite our pledge with pride.

Plus, we get to see some really nice fireworks - on TV, I mean, but still pretty! - and sing our hearts out to all the familiar national day songs too. I'm hoping that this tradition will stay even when the kids are all grown up. Making time for family is something that I hope all of us will continue to do.

So that marks the end of August. Don't forget to find ways to destress amidst all the chaos in our hectic lives, yeah? It might seem like there is no time to do fun things or relax once in a while but I now believe that we can always make time as long as we put our priorities right.

Till the next post of "Happiness is..."!

A family day and her first aerial hammock class - Angel is 15!

As the kids get older, they outgrow the need for themed parties but we always make it a point to spend time together and do something fun on their birthdays.

I remember as a teen, my birthdays were spent celebrating with my close group of friends in secondary school. But my parents and grandma never forgot it too and it made me eternally grateful to know that I was loved by my family. So although I know my big kids don't need a fanciful celebration anymore, I hope they know how their birthdays will always have a very special place in my heart and I want them to always be happy and feel extra loved on this day.

Angel turned 15 in November and we had planned a simple day out for her just doing the things that she likes, including going for her first aerial hammock class. Here's sharing more about the highlights of her special day.

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Although the hubby was flying off to Vietnam for a football retreat on the day of Angel's birthday, he managed to have lunch with us first and the birthday girl was happy to have mookata! She has been helping Papa to cook in our last couple of mookata visits which I guess is a sign of her growing up. We all love mookata because it is just very shiok to eat and super tasty too.

i wanted us to sing the birthday song for her and let her blow candles and make a wish before Papa rushed off, so I hurried to get some cupcakes for her and managed to do it just in time before the hubby had to rush to the airport.

That also meant that I was left with the kids on my own for the rest of the day, woohoo! 

Before I forget, I wanna mention the gifts that we presented to Angel when she woke up, especially this set of super adorable SKZOO (each animal represents a member of Stray Kids) handmade squishies made with love by meimei Ariel. She spent lots of time on it and I truly admire her creativity, drawing skills, effort and thoughtfulness. The little brothers also gave 大姐 their handwritten cards and I hope she felt all the siblings' love for her.

As for me, I got her a Sylvanian set because she says she still likes them after so many years. So now she has a new fennec fox family to add to her collection.

After our mookata lunch, we made our way for the highlight activity of the day - Aerial Hammock. Ever since I told the kids about my experience at Milan Pole Dance Studio, they said they wanted to try too, especially Angel who seemed the most enthusiastic about it. So I booked a private class for the three older kids to try it together while Ansel and I cheered from the side.

Although it was an entirely new experience for them, I must say they nailed most of the poses and did a really good job. The girls' dance experience and flexibility helped them and they seemed to be able to move about with ease. Asher was a little scared initially but the more he tried, the more confident he became and he especially loved doing the frog pose and hanging upside down.

They also did the mermaid, inverted straddle and dancer poses which looked pretty cool and considering we only had an hour, I think we accomplished quite a lot for a first try. I was relieved to hear that the big girl thought it was quite fun and glad that she had the chance to try something new on her special day.

After class, we made our way to the arcade since this is something that never fails to excite and delight the kids. Oh well, just a treat once in a while, okay? While I love that the kids got to play their own favourite games, it was also nice to see them playing together especially how the big sisters would accompany the toddler and go on kiddy rides with him.

For dinner, Angel wanted to eat at Saizeriya so we made our way there. We usually eat the same things pizza, pasta, hotdog, chicken wings and mushroom soup but that day, we added a hot lava cake just for the birthday girl.

Was that all? Well, not really. As you know, we are quite the late owl family and it was way too early for the kids to sleep. So we made our way to the cinema and caught "Red One" starring Chris Evans and Dwayne Johnson. It was a light-hearted, hilarious and entertaining show which was the perfect choice for our mood that night.

Finally, it was time to head home at nearly 11pm and although we were quite exhausted, we still chose to take the bus home. A memorable incident was how we saw the bus coming and thus all of us sprinted to the bus stop, even the toddler tried his best to dash fast too and yeah, we made it! That concluded our family day out and it was one filled with mostly joy and lots of precious memories.

As always, we also celcebrated with the extended family too , thanks to the hubby and father-in-law who helped to cook dinner. Ye Ye made Angel her favourite chicken wings while the hubby treated everyone to homecooked chilli and black pepper crabs. Yummy! 

Her birthday cake was a chocolate flavoured one and I hope even if time flies and things change, some parts of her would stay the same - like her love for chocolate cakes. We love you, Angel!

As part of her birthday, I also planned a mum-and-kids retreat to Bintan as the hubby was away. It was  fantastic 3D2N stay we had at One of a Kind Resort and I will share more in details next time in a separate post. Here's a sneak peek of what we did and as you can expect, it was very much about connecting with nature in the outdoor, something that Angel loves to do and I truly wanted her to feel happy.

Dear Angel, 

Happy turning 15! It's hard to believe that one and a half decades have past since you made me a mum in Sweden.

We've gone through so much together, haven't me? From the Europe travels, cruises, our days in Karlskrona where we stuck together 24/7 for three long years, going through a miscarriage, moving back to Singapore, started school, having your first, then second and then third sibling, shifting house, going through PSLE, and now, you are in Secondary 3 already. Time truly flies.

We both know how things aren't easy all the time and we've gotten into so many arguments too, now that you are a full blown teenager and I am still trying to navigate being a first time mum to a teen. Like you said, you didn't ask to be born first but that is why how life decided it to be and you will always be my dearest firstborn, the one that is wiser beyond her years and will always be the 大姐 in our family.

Thank you for trying your best, for always making sure I get to eat, for taking care of Didi Meimei, for piggybacking Ansel when we are out and being his little Mama, for being the straightforward one who doesn't mince your words, and for letting me know that there is still so much for me to learn and grow as I try my best to be a mum that you can be proud of.

It's hard to picture that in another decade, you might have spread your wings to soar and leave this nest that's just another thing I have to learn - to let you go when it's time to. Just know that we are always here to lend a helping hand, a listening ear,  a hug or anything you need because we are family and that's what families are for.

I hope you enjoyed your birthday to the max - thank you for saying you have no request and don't need much - and that you had fun at our Bintan retreat too. We love you to the moon and back, always and forever.

Love,

Mama